Living Raw

This post is about self-acceptance and the realization that I was fat, sick and depressed to help me along in my journey. Now it’s time to be something else. It’s in response to an “ask Joan” question that I got from Georgina about why I chose the master cleanse. Her question really helped me to get clear on some things as I responded. My gratitude goes out to her for being a catalyst.

I’m doing the master cleanse because I was out of control with my eating and I was desperate to get out of that mode. When I’m in a more controlled state, I can easily do raw (and be reasonable). But I had tried that a few times in the previous month, and nothing was stopping the frantic feelings I was having. I didn’t know if it was hormonal, all I know is that the scale was creeping up everyday and I couldn’t seem to stem the flow of hand to mouth action.  So I can be very controlled – or completely out of control. So the master cleanse was a temporary shelter from the storm while I get outfitted with some new skills.  I’m seeking help via acupuncture and hormonal therapy during my master cleanse downtime.

But for now I’m on day 26 of the master cleanse and I’m feeling great, light, clean, attuned.  I like moving now and want to exercise. I want to lay in the sun. I want to put my cares and stresses down and realize that my body is like it is/was for a purpose.  And now that that purpose has been fulfilled it’s okay for it to transform into the vehicle that will carry me into my next phase of life.

I realize that I’ve judged and been harsh with myself for a long time.  I’ve sabotaged efforts to cleanse, lose weight and be in good shape because I had issues and hurts that I was nurturing with that fat, defensive walls that I raised with that fat, and a hermit that stayed sheltered/burrowed even in that fat.  And it wasn’t just me, I judged others just as harshly – which probably was my only relief from my own self-critique.

The amount of weight I’ve lost so far isn’t really important to me now. When I first started, I mapped it all out – I would lose 10 pounds the first week (mostly water, I calculated) then 5 pounds a week after that. I’m looking at that chart now and laughing. The real victory is that I started and I’ve continued. I’ve honored my promise to myself that I had to get away from my destructive patterns and I haven’t sabotaged this effort.  According to that chart I should have lost 24 pounds by now. I’ve lost 21. But that’s cause for hella-celebration.

No matter what – at the end of this 40 days – I’m going to stand naked in the mirror and be proud of what I see. I’m going to accept me at every stage, shape, size I am because it was all to further my purpose here in life. I honor that and I’ll use it as I move forward. No more shame in my game.

www.joanjackson.tumblr.com

This post was designed for Tod and all other raw vegans who don’t want to miss out on the joy of sharing a meal with their meat-eating family and friends. Take extra with you to share. Once they see what you’ve got, they may want to try. Just be sure to warn them. “Once you go raw, your pineal gland will thaw.” It’s like taking the RED pill in the Matrix.

So I’m back on the weight loss trail. Not that I want to admit this, but my weight went up. Weigh beyond before my trip to Switzerland, when I committed to going raw for 40 pounds. My eating was out of control and I finally found something to blame it on. My uterous. Or lack thereof. I had it removed in September of 2o1o. And the slow creep of weight gain was indiscernable at first. A casual shift from wearing my jeans all the time to wearing yoga pants.

About 2 months ago, I felt totally out of control. Looking for anywhere to eat, any excuse to eat, and feeling frantic about it. I’d never considered before that I had an eating disorder, even though I had been obese most of my life. I considered that I didn’t have discipline. But this was different – what I was feeling was raging. I went to see an acupuncturist and while filling out the questionnaire, I read what I was writing. I sounded depressed, and it was incredible because I am so blessed and I know it. So why was I sounding manic.

Then it hit me. The hysterectomy. My hormones.

Removing the uterous, while leaving healthy ovaries, will result in change. The obvious is that I don’t have a period anymore. So why wouldn’t there be the not- so-obvious. What was initially not-so-obvious, the emotions and the weight gain, finally became the obvious.

So I’ve begun consulting with Dr. Nick Delgado, who has special protocols, on what’s going on with me.

The acupuncture helped a bit with the raging, frantic looking for food.

I’ve started the master cleanse, and am on day 12 (I’ve dropped 14 pounds so far, probably mostly water weight) – I’m so totally in control now it’s almost as scary as when I’m out of control. My plan is to continue the master cleanse (supplemented with wheat grass juice, silajit, and a few other superfoods/supplements) for a total of 40 days. My personal trainer hates that I’m on the master cleanse and I agree with his reasoning. But this is more than nutrition. This is emotion. And I can’t afford to be out of control any longer. And until I can create through supplements and exercise the routine that I need, I’m not willing to risk my most recent feeding frenzy and weight gain. He’s outlined a new physical/training routine for me to follow. And I’m slowly upping the ante on my workouts. Something I’ll have to do more quickly in order to avoid my metabolic rate from dropping. And something I’m going to need to do for the rest of my life anyway, if I want any quality of life, flexibility and strength as I move forward.

So once I finish the master cleanse, I’ll do a liver cleanse and go back on to a 100% raw diet for a month or so. By then the hormone treatments and the other routines I’m putting into place should have kicked in.

www.joanjackson.tumblr.com

This post is a fun look at a young child trying a raw food cracker and what we tried to do to make it appealing to him. It might have helped if the cracker didn’t have onions and garlic. There’s always next time.